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M U R P H Y ' S L A W S |
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Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. |
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something |
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Nothing is as easy as it looks |
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Everything takes longer than you think. |
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Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse |
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Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first |
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Every solution breeds new problems. |
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Murphy's Law of Copiers :The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. |
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Murphy's Constant :Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value |
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The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short. |
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The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. |
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The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it |
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The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map |
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Friendly fire ain't |
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No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy |
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Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are |
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.Incoming fire has the right of way |
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The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. |
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There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss. |
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If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. |
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| Murphy's Technology Laws | |
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All great discoveries are made by mistake. |
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The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord |
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Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. |
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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. |
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An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing |
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Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. |
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If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. |
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Always draw your curves, then plot your reading. |
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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. |
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To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. |
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A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. |
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Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. |
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If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number. |
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The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman. |
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Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. |
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Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches. |
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If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist. |
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When all else fails, read the instructions. |
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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. |
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Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it. |
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All the good ones are taken. |
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The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you. |
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Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. |
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The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them. |
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Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. |
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The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it. |
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Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction. |
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Nice guys(girls) finish last. |
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If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. |
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Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else. |
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Nothing improves with age. |
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There is no remedy for sex but more sex. |
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Virginity can be cured. |
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It is always the wrong time of month. |
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When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. |
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Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. |
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The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. |
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Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. |
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Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood. |
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A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. |
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Don't do it if you can't keep it up. |
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Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. |
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Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry. |
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A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. |
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Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. |
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When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. |
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It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. |
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When all else fails, follow instructions. |
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Justice always prevails . . . three times out of seven. |
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No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back. |
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Law of Annoyance: When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly. |
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Laws of Applied Confusion: 1.The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment. |
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Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. |
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Astrology Law: t's always the wrong time of the month. |
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No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep. |
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If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it. |
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When you are over the hill, you pick up speed. |
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Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. |
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Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it. |
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Barrett's Laws of Driving: 1.You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough. 2.Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed. 3.The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are. 4.This lane ends in 500 feet. |
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Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen years older than I am. |
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If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed. |
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It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. |
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The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, and (3) a better looking and richer male friend. |
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The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to be. |
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Ignorance is no excuse. |
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Most problems have either many answers or no answer. Only a few problems have a single answer. |
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You can observe a lot just by watching. |
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Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. |
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It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious |
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